An open letter to those drilling holes in my boat…

I have tried to accept you for who you are. When your emotional reactions were too much to bear I set boundaries. When you clearly violated those boundaries, I took space. Because I am a forgiving person I let you back into my life. I once again gave you access to my energy. Boundary violations continued so I began to distance myself. I started to be selective in what I shared with you. And now, the final straw after years of struggle.

I choose me. I choose to put my energy towards creating a better world for my daughters. I choose to continue cultivating unconditional love for my partner. I choose to put my energy into a business that allows women to feel heard. I am going to put my energy into helping women who once held it all together in their marriage. To the women that were high achieving at work. To the women who feel it’s weak to acknowledge that they have suffered domestic violence and abuse.

I now know the worth of my presence. I will no longer be accepting apologies in place of changed behavior. All along I thought deep down you cared about me. I’ll never be able to describe the deep hurt I felt inside me when I began to realize your ego was more important to you than my feelings. That you would rather spread lies about me than apologize. I see now how you were projecting your actions on to me. Accepting your choices will continue to be a process.

I know who I am. So your criticisms and threats no longer hold weight.

You can no longer make me feel shame and guilt for your actions.

I am not the nasty things you’ve said about me. I

am strong. I am smart.

I am beyond capable.

I just spent too much time trying to prove those things to you.

In turn this helped me prove it to myself. So thank you for the motivation.

I wish you well because that is in my character. If there is one thing I am proud of is that when others deal with me, they can feel authenticity. My heart is pure. I wish no evil upon anyone, even you, Through divorce my character was intact. Through job loss my character was intact. Through this loss my character will stay intact.

I am healing. I will continue to do so. I just thought you should know, I will no longer allow you to drain my energy. I am becoming the change I’d like to see in the world. I have given you chance after chance and now I am able to walk away with my head held high. My character, integrity and authenticity will always be things you don’t understand.

And finally, I am okay with that.

I am releasing the need to please you. I am releasing the need to have your approval. I am releasing your energy to others.

I love words. I always have. I have no more words for you. And now, it’s time for me to shine without your shadow of expectations, guilt and shame.